Winning, Not Enough: Why High Achievers Remain Unfulfilled
Even after a bunch of wins, a high number of high achievers in Philly do not know where the need for more comes from. So, they are unsatisfied, and do not enjoy their wins like others do. Find out why countless wins can still be unfulfilling, and how transferring focus towards personal values can bring back meaning and drive.
You got the big goal completed, the big promotion, closed a deal, and coworkers or people that know you are all clapping and celebrating with you. If you ask anyone around you, you are “winning” in life. But is it enough? High-performing people can experience this tricky situation: a whole lot of success on the outside, but it is not enough on the inside. You checked off every box on this professional bucket list, but thoughts and voices keep coming in and asking, “Is this all there is?”
That emptiness behind all the accomplishments: It is more common than you may be aware of. Psychologists have pointed out that, when work or achievements are not aligned with deeper personal values, burnout and disappointment can creep in (1). You might really dig into countless wins at a job that pays well, but if that job starts to conflict with what really matters to you, each win can somehow bring on dissatisfaction. Research on stress in the workplace highlights that a “mismatch between workplace and personal values” is associated with burnout (1). So, if you are getting all these things done, but they were never really your goals, enthusiasm can quickly disappear.
Values: this is what it is all about: What really gets you going on the inside? What makes you feel like the most you? Values are the principles and priorities that mean the most to you. “The silent forces behind many of your actions and decisions.” (2) You may truly be a creative person, who loves community, or freedom, but your career has put you in a position that keeps you away from all of those. Or it does not really acknowledge it. You keep chasing that next medal, I mean that is all you know. But that medal feels like a cool decoration, it is not really a reflection of that inner you. Becoming clearer on what really drives you, values, can change the whole game. SMART recovery says, becoming “fully conscious” of what you really care about can make sense out of why stacking up the wins has not brought satisfaction. (2). The definition of success you have been living with may belong to someone else, the community you grew up in, a parent, friend, but you are not living by your own definition.
Let us imagine an attorney who gets to where they want to be by pure determination. All grit. Everyone respects her, looks up to her, and she is seriously experienced, but when she is quietly thinking…things are flat. In college she was all about art and helping others, but she focuses on billable hours now. The attorney is not fully into those wins if she is not able to engage with values of helping others and being creative. This attorney’s story shows that accolades without alignment can be empty. Winning is not everything, if you do not have the why clearly defined.
Finding meaning after the win: The good news is that you can update the definition you have for “enough.” You do not need to throw away your current goals. You can continue to win, and win a lot. You can mix in meaning into those goals. Therapists can help high achievers reconnect with their true values and drives. For example, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), an evidence-based counseling approach, guides people to get “unstuck” from chasing empty milestones and to start living in a way that “matters most to them” (3). This might mean creating goals that shine a little more on your passions, or any other part of life that has been hiding. It can be a little weird to take the foot of the gas when you are driving towards that next big goal/win, but it can also free you up inside.
If you are a professional in or near Philly that felt one or more of the themes from above, please reach out for support or at least take 15 minutes to reflect. There are therapists throughout the state, sometimes virtually, that can help you explore what fulfillment would really look like for you. That could mean moving your career down the priority list a little, getting back to spending time with people you love and care about, or finding other meaningful things outside of work. You may appreciate a life where its not all about winning but about doing a little bit of everything that matters to you. You can achieve successes that reward your inner drives. By rearranging things so that your core values are in the mix, you can experience victories that are meeting your inner and outer needs. Your next “victory” could be finally feeling like each day belongs to you, so that win, that win may be worth reaching for.
(1) How to handle stress at work - Harvard Health